Friday, March 03, 2006

Something to Superstition

Ok, so I have to give props to whoever came up with the plastic baby in the King Cake thing for Mardi Gras. I got it! And things have been going gangbusters ever since. The weather's turned good, my grade on the engineering test got revised to an A, I've been spending a lot of time in Young or out on the grass in front of the shoeboxes hanging out with my chem lab group and the rest of their hall, I got to go to one of the baseball games last friday with the girl from my chem lab group ... and her roommate and a couple other friends, and to top it all off.........she's going to the team's semi-formal with me! Hooray happiness! I don't think things have ever felt any more right in my life...I mean, this is the way that it's supposed to be. No pain (except the cramp in my leg from playing capture the flag tonight), no worries, and the apprehension is slowly melting away as the winter of my life has finally come to an end it seems. All hail! Spring has come at last!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Yup, I was wrong.

Ok so the truth was we were both just using each other for a Valentines day date. So that's not going to go anywhere. Yet another emotional rollercoaster from hell. I suppose I'll just go back to my old course of action. Not the girl fromthe team. She has too many issues and is too busy with horses to have any other life. No, I do believe I'll try for the girl from chem lab. She's almost a perfect match for me really....from a purely analitical point of view. She's a true moderate, a rare find in the bible belt, and a gamer as well as an anime fan. In addition it would seem that she also likes to go camping and is appearently my intellectual equal. Now I'll admit that she's not the picture of beauty as commonly defined, but she's not ugly either, just normal. And her manner of dress is quite interesting in that it ranges from school colors to generic to mildly gothic. My only worry is that it looks like too good of a match....and things that make this much sense rarely actually happen. I must tread carefully on this issue. Among my primary concerns to begin with is simply to determine why it is that no female, including her, ever IMs or calls me just to say hi. It would almost make one believe that I'm universally unattractive, a fact which I find hardly likely. And time is not being kind to me either. I have this weekend available to develop what I may and then next weekend I'm off at a horse show and the weekend after that I'll either be at the ACC Basketball Tournament or having to worry about the team's semi-formal and then after that is spring break! For now I can only run with plan A, invite her and her crew to go bowling tomorrow..or the baseball game....or both...whatever they want. I just need some light hearted friendly interaction.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I could be completely wrong ya know......

Ok so scratch my last actual post. The blind date thing wasn't a flop. In fact, it turned into my first happy Valentines day ever! HAHA! It's been so long since I just felt content like this. Just plain happy. A smile on my face, no complaints about school or the wreck that is my room, not a care in the world. She should know this, how happy she's made me. I hope she is too, she really does deserve it. The odd thing is that I don't know what it is that's making me happy. Perhaps it's just her being there but there's a little something more....they way we talk. It takes a little bit to crack her shell and get her talking, which I actually find kinda fun, but when she does its really interesting. Perhaps that's what is the most alluring thing. The fact that she's an enigma. Her feelings aren't out on her sleeve and dispite the advent of facebook I know almost nothing about her save what she tells me. Very few people can do this to me. Most I can read like an open book without having to interact too much. But she has total control over what I do and do not know, which fascinates me and makes every little peice of information a gift. That's all for now, I'll spaz out planning a third date later I suppose.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Yet another poem

Every time I see you I fall for you

But are you there waiting to catch me?

Or stepping aside

Are you falling too?

Or is it all in my mind

One moment with you is happiness

But the silence of the days apart breeds

Doubt, fear, and loneliness

Why are you mute to me?

Are you as shy as I?

Or am I just a nuisance?

I miss the light of your smile as soon as you turn your head

The world grows dark and I feel like I’m dead

Where is this going?

Am I waiting on you?

Are you waiting on me?

Or is this a phantom train that will never come?

Speak to me

Your silence has brought me to my knees

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Here we go again....

Ok, so the blind date thing didn't work out as well as planned. However, shortly there after I started getting the vibe that someone from one of my classes may like me. Then this past weekend I got to know a girl from the team that I had not really met in earnest before and well....let's put it this way. She started calling me honey. That could be normal speak for her, but we both ended up giving each other a lot of attention too so I don't think I'm grasping at shadows there. Now here comes the issues. With the girl from class...well I don't know her too well and it'd be really weird IMing her and being friendly because we have no interaction outside of class. And then the girl from the team....oh boy. Well basicly she used to go out with the other guy on the team (he graduated in december bu tis still around as an alum rider). They broke up almost 2 months ago but she's still hung up on him and blaming herself for the break up. What she doesn't know is that the whole thing is habitual for this guy. He dates a girl from the team for like a month or two and then decides that they should just be friends. He's done it to almost half the team. Really kinda scum baggish ain't it? Especially with what its done to this great person. I wish i could tell her the whole truth or perhaps ask one of the older girls on the team to tell her but I doubt she'd believe it, or she'd end up hating all guys everywhere. I really want to cheer her up so she can enjoy things again but I'm afraid to ask her out or anything because of this baggage. But I can't just sit idly by and watch her suffer. I suppose all I can do is go for it, leap off the cliff and learn to fly.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Poem Collection

3-line Poem Collections + a Sonet

Telepathic Murmurs

Slowly between minds
we weave our threads
A blanket to warm the soul

Planet mind and Planet flower
Caged and broken from each other
Only to quicken Planet's coming

Voices of all the world
Scattered in an earthly din
One to bind the transparent chorus

From first impression
to later interpretation and back
We have come full circle

Singular Force

Across the expance
we bridge the light
To stop the falling darkness

All the minds to make it
Few minds to find it
One mind to weild it

The ocean upon which
all things must float
One ship in search of shore

In every space
there exist the energy
that existed in the beginning hour


Chaos all around
as all the world plays
And we the keepers of calm

Deeper, Deeper
the reactions flow
Stored for future use

Not of normal thought
nor common sence
Making the body trust the mind

Where are the eyes
that can see the truth?
Can only one use them at a time?

True Beauty

Beauty is truely rare,
As imitators do this title claim.
So it is this I will share,
For beauty is not a measure of fame.

Often beauty is mistaken,
As sexy hot fine and name.
But may be combined and taken,
To create that which no one shall see the same.

For beauty exists only in the eyes on love,
And the combination is you my dove.

Sunday, January 22, 2006


I realize now that whenever I 'fall' for someone it's not that person that I'm really feeling for. It's the concept that I love. The eventuality of being loved the hope that it's finally happened is what obsesses me. But what can I do about this? All I can do is take a strategy from the old addage of "there are plenty of fish in the sea" and just leave my bait in the water until something bites. I have to give up on everyone that I've put any effort into and make them friends. I have to accept that I have to have my friends set me up with more or less blind dates if I'm going to have any when I want them. It pains me to give up on my active search for romance for superficial BS but it's what I must do to get on with my life without screwing up perfectly good friendships. Hopefully this will keep my social needs met and some pointless dates will distract my emotions. Alas...farewell to my loves....for as soon as I reveal it you would be gone entirely.